ARTICLES WRITTEN BY GAYE
THEY (her TEAM)
is being written about Covid-19 and it is sending so many people into a state
of panic, anger, rage and at times despair.
other end of the spectrum, we are seeing kindness, understanding, compassion,
sharing and support.
reacts in a way that gives them a sense of power albeit negative or positive,
it is the way they are coping.
it is a trigger of things they have experienced in the past.
For me, I
try to bring a sense of peace (most of the time, with slight aspects of
anxiety). I am trying to understand each person’s response to things (that
doesn’t always happen).
It is a
bit like the poem of the two wolves:
Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:
is going on inside people,” he said to the boy.
“It is a
terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,
lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and
fight is going on inside every other person.”
grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which
wolf will win?”
Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
so true of what is happening today. At times it is easier said than done to
change how we feel and react.
acknowledge everyone is doing what they need to, even though at times, there is
no understanding of why some are.
each and everyone a peace of Soul. Mind and Body and we will, in time, get
journey of doing a lot of Soul work and discovery, one of the few things
that I seem to come across with people is boundaries. When I look further into
this, I began to realise that almost everyone has boundary issues in all its
varied forms – the rich, the poor, the healthy, the unhealthy, those in power
and those who seeming have an idyllic life – there are always boundaries. Listening
to people and in particularly recently, this seems to be more apparent. So I
thought I would draw more attention to “boundaries”.
hear people saying “of course I know about boundaries” but the truth is – do
you really? Do you give it the energy that can empower you and your boundaries.
I feel our awareness with boundaries surfaces from time to time but generally
it is not something we really think about until “it is in our face” in whatever
way it is presented. I know a lot of people are going through “boundary”
easiest way to think about a boundary is a property line. We have all seen “No
Trespassing” signs, which send a clear message that if you violate that
boundary, there will be a consequence. This type of boundary is easy to picture
and understand because you can see the sign and the border it protects.
Personal boundaries can be harder to define because the lines are invisible,
can change, and are unique to each individual.
boundaries, just like the “No Trespassing” sign, define where you end and
others begin and are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space
you allow between yourself and others. Personal boundaries help you decide what
types of communication, behaviour, and interaction are acceptable.
looking more into “boundaries”, I have discovered some of its forms and want to
share these with you.
It may be
time to “take stock” of what is occurring in your life and those of the people
you care for. See if you fall into any of the following and can you make the
necessary changes to bring a more balanced and harmonious way of living.
entirely your choice which path you choose. I am not saying that change is
always easy because it is not but when information is presented to you, why not
evaluate that information and think about it and maybe, be proactive in the
process. It may also be a “light bulb” moment for you.
Gaye Piper and THEY
following is information that is readily accessible for all through the
Lerner’s feelings about boundaries are; “An intimate relationship is one in
which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party
expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced
boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally
healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognizing the need to set and enforce
limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy
boundaries cause emotional pain that can lead to dependency, depression,
anxiety, and even stress-induced physical illness. A lack of boundaries is like
leaving the door to your home unlocked: anyone, including unwelcome guests, can
enter at will. On the other hand, having too rigid boundaries can lead to
isolation, like living in a locked-up castle surrounded by a mote. No one can
get in, and you can’t get out.
Types of Personal Boundaries
boundaries provide a barrier between you and an intruding force, like a
Band-Aid protects a wound from bacteria.
boundaries include your body, sense of personal space, sexual orientation, and
privacy. These boundaries are expressed through clothing, shelter, noise
tolerance, verbal instruction, and body language.
example of physical boundary violation: a close talker. Your immediate and
automatic reaction is to step back in order to reset your personal space. By
doing this, you send a non-verbal message that when this person stands so close
you feel an invasion of your personal space. If the person continues to move
closer, you might verbally protect your boundary by telling him/her to stop
examples of physical boundary invasions are:
touching, such as unwanted sexual advances.
through others’ personal files and emails.
allowing others their personal space. (e.g., barging into your boss’s
office without knocking)
Emotional and Intellectual
boundaries protect your sense of self-esteem and ability to separate your
feelings from others’. When you have weak emotional boundaries, it’s like
getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with no protection. You expose
yourself to being greatly affected by others’ words, thoughts, and actions and
end up feeling bruised, wounded, and battered.
include beliefs, behaviours, choices, sense of responsibility, and your ability
to be intimate with others.
of emotional and intellectual boundary invasions are:
knowing how to separate your feelings from your partner’s and allowing his/her
mood to dictate your level of happiness or sadness (a.k.a. co-dependency).
obvious that no one would want his/her boundaries violated. So why do we allow
it? Why do we NOT enforce or uphold our boundaries?
of rejection and, ultimately, abandonment.
Awareness is the first step in establishing and
enforcing your boundaries
the current state of your boundaries, using the list below:
Have high self-esteem and self-respect.
Share personal information gradually, in a mutually sharing and trusting
Protect physical and emotional space from intrusion.
Have an equal partnership where responsibility and power are shared.
Be assertive. Confidently and truthfully say “yes” or “no” and be okay when
others say “no” to you.
Separate your needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires from others.
Recognize that your boundaries and needs are
different from others.
Empower yourself to make healthy choices and take responsibility for yourself.
Sharing too much too soon or, at the other end of the spectrum, closing
yourself off and not expressing your need and wants.
Feeling responsible for other’s happiness.
Inability to say “no” for fear of rejection or abandonment.
Weak sense of your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how
others treat you.
Disempowerment. You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you
feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.
Setting Healthy Boundaries - (Modified from the book, Boundaries: Where
You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine)
When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly,
respectfully, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or
apologize for the boundary you are setting.
You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are
setting. You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a
respectful manner. If it upset them, know it is their problem. Some people,
especially those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might
test you. Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm. Remember, your behavior must
match the boundaries you are setting. You cannot successfully establish a clear
boundary if you send mixed messages by apologizing.
At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a
boundary. Do it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to self-care. Setting
boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety or low
self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.
When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you
probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to
do or say, then communicate assertively.
Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in
your own time frame, not when someone else tells you.
Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries.
Eliminate toxic persons from your life—those who want to manipulate, abuse, and
you take the time to put into practice some of the above ideas - Terri Cole
Just to add a little bit more to the mix the
following is from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves
what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave
towards him or her and how they will respond when someone steps past those
limits. They are built out of a mix of conclusions, beliefs
opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning
to some in the counselling profession, personal boundaries help to define an
individual by outlining likes and dislikes, and setting the distances one
allows others to approach. They include physical, mental, psychological
and spiritual boundaries, involving beliefs, emotions, intuitions and self-esteem
boundaries operate in two directions, affecting both the incoming and outgoing
interactions between people. These are sometimes referred to as the
'protection' and 'containment' functions.
to Nina Brown's self-help book
, there are four main types of
A person with soft boundaries merges with other people's boundaries. Someone
with a soft boundary is easily a victim of psychological manipulation
A person with spongy boundaries is like a combination of having soft and rigid
boundaries. They permit less emotional contagion
than soft boundaries
but more than those with rigid. People with spongy boundaries are unsure of
what to let in and what to keep out.
A person with rigid boundaries is closed or walled off so nobody can get close
to him/her either physically or emotionally. This is often the case if someone
has been the victim of physical
, emotional abuse
, psychological abuse
, or sexual abuse. Rigid
boundaries can be selective
which depend on time, place or
circumstances and are usually based on a bad previous experience in a similar
Similar to selective rigid boundaries but the person has more control. The
person decides what to let in and what to keep out, is resistant to emotional contagion
and psychological manipulation
, and is difficult
Narcissism and do you know of anyone who falls into this spectrum?
do not recognize that they
have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of
themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at
all. Those who provide narcissistic supply
to the narcissist
will be treated as if they are part of the narcissist and be expected to live
up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary
between self and other.
about Loss of Boundaries - Loss of conscious boundaries can occur when an
individual is caught up in a unified, fast-moving crowd.
the loss of personal boundaries in a communal experience, noting that such
occurrences could be triggered by intense shared ordeals like hunger, fear or
pain, and that such methods were traditionally used to create liminal
in initiation rites
has also been said to involve a dissolution of personal
boundaries, and a merger into a binding sense of communality.
healthy relationship depends on the emotional space provided by personal
difficulties in setting such limits, so that defining and protecting boundaries
efficiently may be for them a vital part of regaining mental health.
can help family members to develop clearer
boundaries, by behaving in a well-defined way when treating them, drawing
lines, and treating different generations in different compartments –
something especially pertinent in families where healthy enmeshment
normal personal boundaries.
the establishment of personal boundaries in such instances may produce a
negative fall-out. If the pathological state of interdependence had been
a central facet of the relationship. This is especially true if the
establishment of healthy boundaries results in limit setting which did not
occur previously. It is important to distinguish between limits and boundaries
in considering these situations.
you have come to the end of my article. I am trusting this information may
empower you just a little more and how you choose to go forward is up to
you. Will you break free of the “shackles” that bind you? Will you
continue on as you have knowing this information? Or will you be the change in
your own life?
are generally in the habit of saying Yes, especially if you are a “people
pleaser”, to most things when they really want to say No. Practice saying No a
couple of times to start.
This is a
lifestyle change, so don’t expect to change the way you do things straight away
– take baby steps. Think about the change/s you want and you may even write a
scenario of something you want to change – like a script.
– a more complex word than I knew because we all experience boundaries and the
depth and breadth of “boundaries” is actually huge. We may decide to “choose”
which boundaries we want to deal with and let others go. It is a bit like
“picking your battles”. So all in all, take care, be kind to yourself and
when you can, in as much a positive way for yourself and others – consider ‘Boundaries”.
Gaye Piper and her team THEY
Time to check in on your thought forms. How are they going?
At times it is easy to let the challenging thought forms stay with you because
you understand them, you can allow yourself to be in them and they quite often
become your friend because they are familiar.
You know on another level that they are also hampering your happiness, your
progress, your life and you really want to change but it feels too difficult
and you don’t have the energy or time to do it.
At times, you may feel it is too hard to think of anything else because of what
is going on in your life and you do need to allow the challenging thoughts,
feelings and emotions to be just that but keeping them with you only starts to
impede your life and eventually your health.
Is it worth giving the other person that power? Because mostly the other person
has moved on and rarely gives it any thought or takes no responsibility
or accountability– only you do.
I THINK NOT – TAKE BACK YOUR POWER
You may need extra support and guidance at this time. No one says bringing more
calming and positive thought forms back into your life is easy but remember you
are the only one that cares on a much more deep level for you and you are
Bringing back more positive thoughts into your Mind, Body and Soul can lead to
a sense of freedom and a healthier you. Letting go of the challenging energy
brings lightness into your Mind, Body and Soul and after time, it becomes your life
and a much easier one – you may have to allow the endings of that person or
persons and this can sometimes mean family (not an easy thing to do).
Investing in yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and
the Universe is very good at giving us the circumstances to see just how we are
going with keeping a more positive approach to life.
We will always have moments where and when we have challenging thoughts but
remember to allow them, acknowledge them and move on from them. This may
take a few hours, a few days, even a few months but keep moving forward on your
journey of bringing more freedom energy into your life.
Know that you do make a difference and you are so worth it and you deserve all
the good things that you can bring into your life.
When you start seeing things a little different, gradually your life and energy
will also start to resonate more and more and before you know it, you have
changed and then the change ripples onto others.
Again, a great gift to oneself.
In light and blessings - Gaye and THEY (25 May 2015)
WHAT IS MEDITATION
an article on WHAT IS MEDITATION may help you decide if meditation is for you
(a little long but worth the read).
Meditation activates the sections of the brain in charge of the autonomic
nervous system, which governs the functions in our bodies that we can't
control, such as digestion and blood pressure. These are also the functions
that are often compromised by stress. It makes sense, then, that changing or
modifying these functions would help to lessen stress-related conditions such
as heart disease, digestive problems and infertility.
© a word,
There are many traditions and countless ways to practice meditation, the way in
which I meditate and teach others to meditate is just one way.
I have had many successes with clients experiencing anxiety, reducing stress,
depression etc through my meditations.
Meditation has an all encompassing effect on stress.
"Because it puts us in the middle of ourselves, which is not always where
we want to be.
We make so many excuses. Be honest with yourself.
One Definition of meditation is:“a particular mood or state of consciousness
that your body mind enters at certain times throughout your life. This
mood, or feeling state, usually occurs when you are totally and selflessly
involved in an activity to the point that there is little or no separation between
you and what you are doing. At this moment, you are so absorbed in simply
being, that your consciousness becomes tightly focused on the activity at hand,
most of your usual mental chatter ceases, physical distraction and stress
diminish, and the passage of time seems to be irrelevant.”
Thoughts that come into the mind during meditation should be observed &
allowed to float away.. ah interesting.
Sometimes the body feels wriggly; this is a form of resistance to relaxation,
and to the inevitable life changes that becoming calm and centered bring to
you. If this occurs, make sure you do some exercise before and after
your meditation so that the body realizes that meditation comes with treats at
both ends, and your body will also start to look forward to meditation.
Peace: This sometimes takes time to achieve, but eventually does happen.
Sometimes when we meditate we have some truly spectacular experiences. We
may see really bright lights, angelic beings, great Masters or our own
spiritual teachers, etc. We may experience intense bliss, and this is
really something to look forward to.
do we meditate?Some of the reasons we meditation for are:
Stillness – peace training
And the Benefits of meditation are
Being aware of Breath in meditation brings forward a• Point of focus• It
Encourages relaxation• And Lowers heart rate and blood pressure and• Teaches
the mind stillness
Again, at times you will feel very fidgety and wriggly and with mind chatter
going on and you think to yourself “This is not working”, “I can’t do this”.
Realise this is normal. Have patience with yourself and if you can try
and stay with it, it will become easier each time you meditate. If you
tell yourself you can’t do it – then you won’t but if you tell yourself “I can
do this”, then you will.
During meditation, your breath slows down and your mind quietens and with this
process you create more oxygen in your body – in your blood and you become more
If you are on a spiritual path, meditation is one of the quickest ways for
spiritual growth.If you are not, meditation can bring a calmness and peace you
may not have felt before.
Some examples of how I use meditation are:
connect to Self
heal illness within myself
dirty energy in my home and put good energy in
journey to different places
good, loving and positive energy to the Earth, to our Planet, to all the living
things up it, especially the human race
There are so many ways to use meditation and I like to explore all I can
through this modality.
Meditating once a week is very helpful. Meditating 2-3 times a week can bring
great changes of peace, calmness and less stress in your life. If you can allow
meditation to be a daily part of your life, you have given yourself the
I trust you have enjoyed the information on what meditation is all about and I
welcome you to my meditation and discussion group – a world of “self”.
have learnt is, that we can do as much as we can with our thoughts, emotions and
feelings but unless they match the energy of the core belief, it is an arduous
task and we only get droplets of the whole and at times thinking, I am being
positive in what I want to create but it does not seem to be happening and thus
many feel that it is not working. We need to keep the faith that it will
eventuate, that it will happen and try not to put an outcome date to it all.